Notes from Jodie's talk- dealing with difficult behaviours

Encouraging positive toddler behaviour

 

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Always remember what is normal Preschoolerbehaviour.

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Use your knowledge of what’s normal, be sensible and creative…..go with the flow.

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Rough patches are a given

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It’s important to find ways around the rough patches and enjoy the wonder of your Preschooler.

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Preschoolers don’t have sense but parents need sensible explanations.

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We are not aiming for perfect children.

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Remember to enjoy this marvelous and fun time

 

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What are the key characteristics of a Preschooler?

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Livewire!

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Fun

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Innocent

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Imaginative

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Active

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Lacking in sense- minimum sense and maximum mobility

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Powerful

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Poor appreciation for the rights of others

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Self-centred

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Ten-minute time frame (consider consequences)

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Crave attention

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Ask lots of questions

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Often stubborn

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Separate poorly from parents (esp < 3years)

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Busy

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Little respect for others’ property

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Blind to mess

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Change their minds frequently

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Interrupt

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Sensitive

 

Most older preschoolers:

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Can start to control impulsive behaviour

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Can wait (though not for too long)

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Can control their tantrums

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Can separate from their parents and be left with friends

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Will usually play together with other children

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Wonderfully imaginative and creative

 

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What trigger’s toddlers’ behaviour?

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Attention Seeking

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Provide your Preschooler with as much high quality attention as possible.

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Directly related to well-being

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Giving this to your child will benefit both of you.

 

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Jealousy

1. Arrival of a new baby

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Most will manage reasonably well

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Preschooler can feel threatened if the parent doesn’t consider the Preschooler’s point of view.

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Involve the Preschooler with the baby.

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Ask the Preschooler to “help”- makes them feel important.

 

2. Sibling rivalry

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Competing with a sibling can bring out some unpleasant preschooler behaviours

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Younger siblings become frustrated when they cannot do what their older sibling can. And vice versa.

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Again: make sure every child is getting adequate high quality attention

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3. Other adults

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When you chat to friends

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Most of us will try and reason with the toddler- needless frustration!

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Try and be brief and choose your timing carefully

 

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4. Other kids

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My house, my toy.

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Encourage sharing but don’t expect too much reason.

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Often better to divert/distract/keep them busy with something else.

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Don’t be embarrassed by poor sharing- it’s normal and we all go through it!

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Let him know that sharing is something you would like him to do but don’t force the issue.

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Notice and praise any sharing that does take place

 

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5. frustration

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Ideas way beyond capabilities

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Accept a certain amount of tantrum throwing as normal

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It’s a normal part of learning. Best to provide understanding and encouragement

 

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6. Fear of separation

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Commences around 7 months, peaks at around 1 year and slowly diminishes over the next 3 years.

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Increases during transitions, stressful periods, holidays.

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Be forgiving, don’t rush it, usually sorts itself out over time.

 

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7. Unsettled environment

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Consider periods where there are changes in the environment.

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Try to ride with the punches

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Revisit expectations

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Create as much structure and predictability as possible

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Give even more high quality attention.

 

TANTRUMS

What causes tantrums?

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In younger toddlers- frustration

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Older toddlers- more intentional, can build the performance

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By age 4, most tantrums have waned

Look at the cause:

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Frustration- (Commonly the case in Under 2s-

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Provide care and comfort

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divert attention and move on.

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Open defiance (often in 3 years+):  

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if the aim is to openly defy parents’ authority-

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Stand firm

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Diffuse

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Discipline

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Tackling the tantrum

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Remember- just as we did with other behaviour:

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Divert

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Ignore

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Time out

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How many steps you use depends on degree of tantrum

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DO NOT give in to the manipulation and drama if it is wilful defiance. This reinforces the very behaviour you want to change.

 

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Public tantrums

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Try to avoid shopping with your pre-schooler- late night shopping, grandparents etc

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If you have to bring him/her along, try weekends, bring your partner , shop at less busy times.

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Most importantly, if it’s an ongoing issue, plan to manage home tantrums before tackling public.

 

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Other considerations

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Ask yourself why you are saying No.

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Look out for behaviour we do want and reward with praise.

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Be sensible, don’t discipline if you don’t need to.

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Remember they can pick up on your own stress and when this is the case, a tantrum is more likely to happen. Do you need stress management help yourself?

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Take home message

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Try and ride with the punches

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Revisit expectations

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Create as much structure and predictability as possible

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Give lots of high quality attention.